To Parent or not to Parent

 I was 14 years old when I decided that I wanted to have children. Mind you, I had taken sexual education from a different country where making families is important to the community. My reason for wanting children was very selfish in the sense of adoration and awe. No; I did not want to be worshipped. I wanted someone whom I can teach my knowledge and skills in a way we can survive together. Practically speaking from my preferred lifestyle, I didn't want to be alone, unwanted and afraid.

To those who choose to be single, more power to you. That's a lot of work and effort to prevent yourselves from being pregnant or getting someone pregnant.

The first time I was exposed to how Americans provide sexual education to teenagers, I was not amused by it's vapid lack of factual information. 

Here's the thing. The clitoris is not where you pee. As you should all know from biology class, if you were paying attention, the clitoris is the female version of the penis. A pea-sized penis, if you will. Don't be alarmed, if you find your female child to have a very pronounced clitoris. It's normal.

The penis comes in various size and shapes. Basically, it doesn't matter how large you females want to be penetrated during sex. If your vagina is incapable of housing a 9" fully erect penis with 5.3" girth (Doesn't matter how much KY jelly you use for lubrication), don't go looking or asking for it. 

The importance of sexual education stems down to the basic health information of what happens when 2 consenting adults engage in sexual activities:

• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Fungal groin infection
• Parasitic dermatoses

Other health conditions that affect the groin area if you don't wash properly:

• Hidradenitis suppurativa (Acne in the groin area) 
• Urinary tract infection

Don't listen to any New Age Health hype telling you it's a bad idea to wash around your groin area. YOU NEED TO WASH YOUR GROIN, people! That's how you prevent yeast and fungal infections. (Celebrities who don't shower/bathe: Megan Fox and Robert Pattinson 🤢)

Now that we have the basics of sexual heath education covered, here's how to prepare yourselves to having children. Visit your Primary Care doctor or Gynecologist to test the validity of your fertility. If having children is not possible, there are other options.

• Egg and/or sperm donors
• Surrogate mothers
• Orphanages or Adoption agencies

The reason why your newborn child doesn't come with an instruction manual because of the nuances your child will develop throughout its lifespan. What you need to learn is how you handle stress and crisis when they occur.

If you are the type of person, who cannot handle responsibilities of another lifeform, don't have children. If being sexually active is part of your life, and you truly do not want children, cut or tie your tubes. 

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed every moment of my life as a parent. I learned a lot of things about my child and about myself.

I found out while I was 3 weeks pregnant that my Parenting Style falls under "Authoritative." After being made aware, I enrolled in Parenting Classes. It was very refreshing and educational because where I am from (The Philippines), we do not have this curriculum as new parents. 

During my pregnancy, I learned that if I don't eat a heavy meal before bed, I don't get morning sickness. I heard for some women, it depends on how much sugar is in your blood. It's best to talk to your doctor how to minimize morning sickness from occurring.

During the weaning years of my child, I learned that they get fussy when they don't get to eat the food they want. How true that is today. They're an adult now, and still complain they don't get to eat the food they want. 🤣🤣🤣

During their adolescent years, they experienced my divorce from their father. As painful as it was, I had to end the marriage since we were both toxic towards each other. The feelings were not mutual. It was an emotional turmoil for all of us involved. I had to take therapy sessions to ensure I do not trigger my child's trauma. I was advised that marital matters should not be privilege information to my child at any cost. 

The teenage angst with my child was far worse than what my sisters went through when we emigrated here to the United States in 1999. Since teen angst is brought about by feelings of insecurity, worrying, or apprehension, it's not unusual for teens to experience this feeling. 

I can't compare my teen angst with my child as I was exposed to a Domestic Violent environment. I tried my best to control my anger. Most of the discipline was left to my husband, my child's step-father. They bonded as if they were lost friends from years past. They emulated my husband in every way: from speech, mannerism and character. I still do not know what their fret was concerning, since they rarely shared that part of their life to me.  

Sharing my story was in part with my hope that they would understand how my life was like and what I lacked in my communication skills to connect with them on the same level. I believe my childhood self was very desperate for a friend. I realized too late that my child was not going to fulfill that expectation.

I now fully accept my responsibility as their sage and guide as they endeavor adulthood. I hope every moment was treasured as much as I have with them. I couldn't have been prouder for having a strong-willed child. I hope they will channel that energy in a positive light better than I ever could.