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When Love is genuine

​Love encompasses time and space. Once you become aware what love is, you can't help but share it with others. It is truly impossible to hate someone when you are filled with God’s love. When you embody love, everything and everyone around you start paying attention. I recall how much I wanted to spend time with my parents. No matter how much I tried, I was always punished for disturbing them. I began to grow confused and angry with my parents whenever my sisters sought for the same attention I did. My parents insinuated that I was jealous. I knew in my heart it wasn’t true. I viewed my younger siblings as helpless as I was. We were all under their jurisdiction. We depended on them for protection, care, support, and provision. Needless to say, I was forced to take responsibility not only for my sisters, but for my negligent parents too. If it wasn’t for the housekeeper, I would have lost all of my childhood completely. Everywhere I went during my childhood, from toddler to adolesce...
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Relationships and Social connections

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​I remember the first day I started school, my mother told me to make friends. I had just lost my two front baby teeth. Sure, I was ridiculed by my classmates, but I wanted to make my mother proud of me in making friends. I was determined to make 1 friend that day. Instead, I was attacked, robbed, and abandoned at the school quadrangle by older male students. Not one single person in my class bothered to call the teacher or helped me.  When I transferred to a different school, I couldn’t bring myself to make a friend. My mother bought me a book written by Dale Carnegie, “ How to win friends and influence people .” Dale said, ”Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” I was never good at remembering people’s names so I trained myself to remember people’s faces.  My name was given to me by my paternal grandfather. 麗安 (lì ān) means “Beautiful Peace,” in Chinese. In Mandarin, it is pronounced /lee-ahn/ whereas in Hokkie...
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Before Matrimony and Marriage

​Today is February 16, 2026. I never would’ve thought that I would be writing this article.  I watched “The West Side Story” yesterday. I was emotionally overwhelmed by the circumstances that ended with tragic events.  I have watched several renditions of “Romeo and Juliet”, but not as heartbreaking as this.  I was raised in a Christian household. A household that should have been founded on moral values, social connections, and loving kindness. My parents were one of the statistics that show being in an abusive relationship. In the United States, this translates to millions of individuals, as studies suggest that 1 in 4 men who claim to be highly religious also report perpetrating violence against their partners.   Regardless of your religious beliefs or cultural background, there are certain aspects of self-awareness one must consider before committing to a long-term relationship.  Who are you? A study showed that a growing fetus in a mother’s womb is ale...
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The susceptible tragedy of a child

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The first time I heard a man from India, who took his parents to court for giving birth to him without his consent, I thought it was a joke.  When I read the article by Geeta Pandey published on 7 February 2019, my mind raced with so many questions. How does one get permission to be born? I remember my mother telling me I was an unwanted pregnancy. She only gave birth to me because God told her not to abort me. I was only 12 when she proclaimed the news. My response was, "To God be the glory for the great things he has done!" Now I understand why people here in the US say, "If you nothing nice to say, don't say it at all." I remember my youth and adolescent years where I was subjected to violence. Both parents were physically and verbally abusive towards each other. There was nothing I could do to make them stop. I took it upon myself to be my siblings' protector.  When I towered over my mother's height the physical abuse stopped, but she continued the v...
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Equal partnership

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  Embarking on the journey of a committed relationship or marriage is a significant milestone. ~  Lauren Southards In any relationship, regardless of status whether it be a business, romantic, matrimonial, social or filial exchange of ideas, shared interests or goals, people need to realize that you are no longer the focus. It has been a very challenging transition for me when I emigrated to the United States. Every individual is counted as part of the collective but never as a whole. Where I grew up in Brunei with Filipino parents, the mindset imparted to me was to always think of others. Focusing on yourself was deemed as a negative impact to the family and the community. After 25 years of being inundated with verbal abuse, one might think I would have followed the same footsteps as my parents. Don't get me wrong. I love my parents. They fed us well and cared for our needs despite their financial strain as a couple. My mother worked 7 jobs. That was how she dedicated herself...
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Who are you?

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Self-awareness is your ability to perceive and understand the things that make you who you are as an individual, including your personality, actions, values, beliefs, emotions, and thoughts. It is essentially a psychological state in which the self becomes the focus of attention or simply where you become self-conscious. Self-awareness is the ability to identify and connect your emotions, thoughts, values, beliefs, and behaviors. It can help you remain consistent and focus on what you need to work on. Building self-awareness can help you understand how these thoughts, feelings, and actions impact your health and sense of well-being, as well as the people around you. Developing self-awareness is possible at any age. It can start by asking for feedback, checking in with yourself every day, and knowing who can provide you with honest information about your actions. Self-awareness can lead you to feel more confident, accept yourself more, and reduce stress when interacting with other p...
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Developing healthy relationships

Keeping a relationship hasn't been easy for me. I was raised to obey, serve and protect. It was my duty of the eldest child to uphold family traditions and livelihood. In my family, if you can't survive on your own, you're considered useless.  My parents should be grateful that I am well-rounded with my sense of self-worth. Even though it took my father 30 years to realize that he had a daughter worth being proud of, I am still reminded, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am still worthless. Chinese families will never accept women to carry on the legend of the family name. I am also Filipino. I have to earn my respect but I must always give respect to the elders regardless of their malignant behaviors toward the family. Trust is not a currency in Filipino families. It never was and shall never be. I have broken both Chinese and Filipino culture stereotypes. I have embraced my individuality graciously and humbly to circumvent the abuse I have experienced for over 3 decades...
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